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In the beginning, God created the
Heavens and the Earth and populated the earth with broccoli, cauliflower
and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man
and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream
and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with
that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as
long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10
pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure
that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the
wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from
size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented
Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive
oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish
and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained
more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light fluffy white cake and named it "Angel Food
Cake" and said, "It is good." Satan then created
chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose
those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man
would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed
and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the
starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and
still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created the 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then Satan said, "You want fries with that?" And
Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said,
"It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
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